Dog Doodie!

Posted by: Brink | Wednesday, July 27, 2005 33 comments
poop
Exhibit B

Very frequently, I walk from one building to another here at the etnies compound for meetings and such. This week, for some odd reason, I've had to evade multiple piles of dog feces while walking around because, contrary to popular belief, I don't like smelling like poop or having any sort of butt mud on my shoes.

After careful investigation and interrogation of many fellow etnies employees, I discovered one mound of poop belongs to Booger, a female mutt owned by ex moto pro-turned X Games announcer, Cameron Steele.

booger
Booger

Exhibit A shows the debris left behind by Booger, while the origin of Exhibit B has yet to be identified, however, a ruler has been included in the photo for scaling purposes.

What's the significance of all this? nothing really, poop is just funny and its been a slow news day.

Exhibit A

33 comments

  1. kelsey

    Jul 27, 2005

    eww this is discuting butt i luv etnies though so...............im gonna get a pair butt hafe to wiat till school, starts ********* so .......... cant wait till i get etnies i want d.c shoes 2 cant wait

  2. kelly

    Jul 27, 2005

    so any one have aol my email is hellokittykelsey@ol.com

  3. Captain Poop

    Jul 27, 2005

    Booger looks like a pretty good pooper, but I bet my girlfriend is better. Like the other day…the bathroom door was half-open, so I thought no one was using it, and I catch my girlfriend standing legs spread on either side of the toilet -- DROPPING TURDS! wtf? Right as she's squeezing off a real long and heavy one, she says: "INCOMING!" and makes bomb-dropping noises. "Captain! we're under attack! We've been hit! FIRE IN THE HOLE!”

    Then she looks up at me, sort of sheepish and blushes and quickly assumes the "normal" position. "Just a little game I sometimes play when I’m bored," she says as she wipes herself.

    As you can imagine, this has totally changed the way I look at poop.

  4. <3Jen<3

    Jul 27, 2005

    wtf eww thats nasty

  5. Francisco Lima

    Jul 28, 2005

    Hell yeah, in the future that pieces of... poop :D will become the food that we are gonna eat. :D So, dont say its nasty, anyway it must not be delicius (i never tried), its just like any element on earth, like metal, stone, grass you know. Well, stay cool :D ;)

  6. Whoever

    Jul 28, 2005

    I just don't give a shit.

  7. Booger's uncle

    Jul 28, 2005

    that is the cutest mut everrrrrr!

  8. kelsey

    Jul 28, 2005

    hey yall all this stuff is freakin me out my friend would like to no who is captain poop. is ok so right back to me ok we can all chat like this ok so......... bye yall

    kelsey

  9. kelsey

    Jul 28, 2005

    ok............ so is ur name captain poop cuz u like poop or wat so wats up every one

  10. dude

    Jul 28, 2005

    i wish i had a girlfriend like that..

  11. Captain Poop

    Jul 28, 2005

    Kelsey, here's the story behind my Captain Poop nickname:

    Location: Party, ex-girlfriend's friend’s, father's yacht, so thus my friend. We were tied to a pier on the Seattle waterfront. I was invited previous to breaking up.

    Sub location: Upstairs bathroom, (it was a big boat)

    Me: In some serious trouble.

    Enjoying myself immensely I excused myself from a lovely little lady in red, and the shrimp table, to utilize the facilities. As I entered the bathroom, which was just at the top of the stairs, I noticed the door didn't lock. No problem, there was a small glass-block wall that was transparent enough to see that someone was in there. No one would come in.

    I do my. Business. Number 2, serious number 2. Stunk like I had been eatin' snakes. I turned around, marveled at my handy work, shook my head and tweaked my nose. It was almost a shame to flush it....but it had to be done. I depressed the small silverish handle, looked like a seashell. "Cute", I thought. It was at this time that time began to slow down. Like Max Payne, everything moved in complete slowmo. The lever clicked on the down swing, and I heard a small "thud". "Ohhhh nooooo" I mouthed, and I heard the wushing of water. Panic. Fear.

    Let's stop for a moment and remember what I've said previously. The location of the bathroom, directly at the TOP OF THE STAIRS. WOOD FLOOR. WOOD HALL. SLIGHT SLOPE TO THE STEPS...

    We return now to our hero Captain Poop..

    Like an expert toiletsman I disassemble the top. Off comes the lid. Expensive toilet, all the parts are pretty. Quickly I try to find the chain. There is no chain. There is a small wire running from two things that look like they may be letting the water in. I pull it up. MORE WUSHING WATER. I push it down. SLIGHTLY less water. The toilet is very quickly brimming. If this was MacGyver the bomb would be at about 00:02 right now. There is NO TIME for half measures. I push the lever down as hard as I can. It snaps.

    Panic. Fear.

    The sudden realization that everyone, including hot in red I was talking to earlier, are going to find me. Find me splashing around in my own foul smelling waste with my pants around my ankles and a broken toilet in my hands.

    Stomach churning. "I could go some more", I think. Ironic.

    There's only one way to stop it now. I turn the knob behind the tank. The water stops about 1/4" above overflowing. The shit is starting to break apart. The whole thing is a murky pool of filth, quickly becoming the color of dark coffee. The smell is unbearable. Quickly my already-MacGyver-track mind is trying to think up some elaborate contraption to get this water in to the tub, or out the window, trying not to streak it down the downstairs windows....and awning.

    More panic. Immense fear.

    The knob turns.

    The knob stops turning.

    A knock. "Is someone in there?"

    I reply, "YES, YES, OCCUPIED, YEAH, THERE'S SOMEONE IN HERE"

    "You okay?"

    "YEAH I'M FINE THANKS, HOW ARE YOU?"

    "....Okay."

    They leave.

    I realize this isn't going to solve itself. I have to do something about this right now, because more people are coming, surely coming. At this very instant, perhaps. I rifle through the little stupid cabinet they've got here. A 24 pack of toilet paper. Holy.

    I go through the vanity. More paper. And sheets. Sheets, paper, towels, and a bathrobe.

    What do all these things have in common?

    Absorption.

    That's right. I used the toilet brush, wrapped in one of the above-mentioned garments to soak up massive quantities of shit, and flung them out the porthole into the ocean. Once I got the water down to a level that would allow me some time, I turned the levers back on, pulled up my pants, ran down to the lower deck, said my goodbyes, and left, from there after I was always to be known as Captain Poop.

  12. Kristina

    Jul 28, 2005

    that is so weird but its a good story well hey i gotta go so talk to ya later

  13. Kristina

    Jul 28, 2005

    that is so weird but its a good story well hey i gotta go so talk to ya later

  14. Viiki

    Jul 29, 2005

    This is random. Kinda funny tho! a well writtn story but Captain Poop. :) xxx

  15. samo

    Jul 29, 2005

    i cant beleive i read that whole thing.

  16. aussie isaac

    Jul 30, 2005

    you seem to capture a lot of bad luck mate

  17. guymark

    Jul 30, 2005

    this story was bullshit....or dog shit for that matter.

  18. and you thought doggies didn't have an anus

    Jul 31, 2005

    Hey learn some damn grammer, exept for kaptain poop. Oh and for those people who are afraid to look at a turd, get up go take a jog around the park and count how many times you freak out because a dog dropped a log.

  19. kelsey

    Jul 31, 2005

    ok so can u tell me that story i have all the time in the world so wats up peeps if ya wanna talk to me just say kelsey i need to talk to u ok so wats up my peeps captain poop wanna be friends ok so every one wat r u guys doin 4 ur summer vactain so.......... how r u all doin right bac captain poop and all the people that want shere about my exciting life email me on thanks

    kelsey

  20. Sid

    Aug 1, 2005

    Exibit A is totally disgusting man! look at the size of that thing it looks like a huge blob of turd!

  21. kelsey

    Aug 1, 2005

    captain poop i have all the time in the world so.. plz tell me why ur name is captain poop

  22. AJ

    Aug 1, 2005

    Kelsey....it's like...ah...because...he was on a boat in the poop story...get it?Boat + poop + story = Captain Poop

  23. kelsey

    Aug 2, 2005

    o i get it thanks 4 telling me that so aj wats up wit u how old r u i luv etnies .com its like a chat room

  24. kelsey

    Aug 2, 2005

    dude if thats ur name r u talking about me...........

  25. smh10190

    Aug 2, 2005

    kelsey are u a blond

  26. smh400413042

    Aug 2, 2005

    u act like it

  27. poo

    Aug 2, 2005

    the dog looks like he's pinching one right now

  28. chelsea

    Aug 8, 2005

    that is kinda gross but like all true sk8er chix i am buying my etnies and d.c. shoes this weekend!!! black and pink all the way baby!!

  29. strategy guide online video slot machine

    Oct 2, 2005

    You can also check out some helpful info dedicated to bonus - Tons of interesdting stuff!!!

  30. Adderall Online Prescription Buy Adderall reviews

    Oct 4, 2005

    Take your time to visit some relevant pages in the field of prescription spectacles online web site ... Thanks!!!

  31. directory

    Oct 10, 2005

    You may find it interesting to check some relevant pages on bonus bonus http://www.vplaymate.com/ http://www.vplaymate.com/ .

  32. andrew

    Oct 16, 2005

    thats bs man, i wrote that story for craigslist, where it stands on the best of list :\

  33. messageboards texas hold em odds calculator

    Oct 17, 2005

    You can also check out some relevant pages on games games http://www.realtysite.net/online-texas-hold-em.html http://www.realtysite.net/online-texas-hold-em.html ...